#idk about this one lol but it be like it do and i'm moving on
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hi my friends! hope you're all doing well. just wanted to come on here and share a little updates w you guys (if you're still here lol)
i guess it's been like a month n a half since i formally went on hiatus, and it's been nice! i got kinda sick for a little bit lmfaooo which was tough to manage w school, but i'm better now
although i took time away from my blog, i still delved in writing here n there. i haven't written anything for kickoff since tbh i'm in such a slump w it. but i still have big plans for stuff that happens after ch13, so hopefully i can just push through this next chapter and get to a better place. thanks so much to anyone that is still interested in the story, it means a lot to me. i know i'm so slow w updates and the story has been going on for almost a year now, but the continued support is so sweet! even though i didn't work on writing it these past one n a half months, i still really love it and plan to finish it.
i'm not sure if many people remember that i had this sort of "apocalypse" gojo x reader au about an asteroid being set to hit the earth in three days, and reader n gojo are ex lovers n the impending end of the world makes them break no-contact...yeah i finished writing the first chapter for it and i really love it so far! it's like set in new york which is really fun haha i love stories where new york is kind of its own "character" if that makes sense...it will definitely be a limited series w only 4 chapters or so, but i kinda wanna finish all 4 chapters before i start posting it bc i don't want it to be a drawn out series in terms of posting since i think it'd be best enjoyed in frequent succession if that makes sense
as for ihm, i think i wrote the most for ihm during my hiatus. i finished three chapters for it, but they are shorter chapters (around 3-4k words). i kinda realized one of my biggest reasons for burnout w my fics were the reaaaaallly long chapters...like didn't i have a 22k chapter for kickoff or sumn lol. idk i can't remember. but anyways, yeah the mindset behind the longer chapters was bc i liked each chapter to kinda have its own conflict, build up, tension then resolution in a sense. but it was exhausting to write that way tbh lol. so i think moving forward, for ihm, i will have shorter chapters. i just don't wanna think to much about things anymore, and write from my heart, bc i have a lot of things planned for ihm, and among the criticism i've received for my writing choices vs my own vision for the story, i've realized during my hiatus that the only way i can finish ihm, or any of my storeis for that matter, is if i just.........stop giving a fuck about it. lol idk if that sounds strange to say, but like, i don't want to over-edit anything. i don't want to think too much about redundancy. i don't want to flower things up or cut stuff out. i'm at the point where imma just write a first draft, check for grammarly errors, and then post it. i guess the reason i'm sharing this is because idk if this means that people may enjoy my writing less since i will admittedly be spending much less time on it than i did before, but tbh i realized i find the most joy while i'm writing, and not while i'm editing. so i want to spend as little time on the latter as possible, and if that changes the quality of my work, then so be it.
anyways, hmm as for hiatus. i guess i'm off hiatus now? i really enjoyed being off of tumblr tbh this app has a lot of questionable content at times (esp in jjk community) and it also did wonders for my studying bc i wasn't spending time doomscrolling or shit posting anymore lmfaooo. but as for writing in particular, i think i will start to post ihm again exclusively. i can't say anything about kickoff or my other projects, but i feel comfortable to start posting ihm again.
sorry, i know that i have kept my replies and ask box off for a long time. but i will open them again once i start posting chapters because i really miss interacting with you guys.
anywho, these are my updates lol i'm like not sure how many of my readers are still here or which ones have moved on but that's ok, i'm grateful to anyone n everyone. hope to see you all soon again!
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Hi! Your blog is really really cool and an awesome source of information with so much context and detail! I really love your approach of like "don't not do it; research, learn, and do it well"!
So Idk if this is a reasonable question or not but I thought it would be better to ask than not to: So I'm endeavoring to write a kids picture book and in it there's a little girl who's Black with a physical disability, probably moderately quadriplegic, and I was wondering about what kind of hairstyles might be realistic for her to potentially have?
Like I know she could technically have anything that a real person could have, but like I don't want to just pick something out for the character just based on how *I* think somethings looks without having a context I don't have yet if that makes sense?
She's about 5 or 6 and she's able to use her hands but she'll have spasticity in them and be using adaptive equipment, and she can move but she'll be in a wheelchair most of the time, so Idk how that might factor into how she/her parents might kind of style her hair?
(it won't really come up in the story since it's about her first day of school, but like more from a design standpoint)
Also idk if this matters to add but I wouldn't be personally doing the art, I'd probably try and connect with someone to illustrate, but I would like to try and have some pretty concrete descriptions for them to work with when the time comes.
Thanks so much, you're so awesome!!!!
That's a good way to summarize my mentality, and I appreciate you catching that! I do get frustrated when people approach writing people different than them as "well is it yes or no" when that's not what it is. It's "put effort into it or leave it alone". Because many things can be done! We can be in any story! It just has to be done with...wait for it... INTENT!
As for your question, she's an industrious child because I was not doing my own hair at 5 and 6 lol. That's a young age for hair. Maybe a ponytail or afro puff at best. I think it would be okay if you allowed her parents to do her hair, which does lead back to her being able to have any style that she might like. Maybe something with less barrettes and such, since they might fall out and she may struggle to put them back in.
So my suggestion would be to look up hairstyles little Black girls, and go through your options and pick one!
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okay disjointed thoughts about the wicked movie 1 day after watching it lets go
-first of all, my movie theater put speakers outside and was just blasting the entire soundtrack on repeat. we could hear it down the street as we were driving up. that's just simply insane
-the opening establishing shots of the land were great but honestly. the very clearly animated dorothy and gang really annoyed me lmfao like I'm sorry it cannot have possibly been too hard to get a few extras to stand in front of a screen for point 5 seconds lol. it was so fast that I Know I'm being dramatic about it but they looked more cartoon than the flying monkey's did
-baby elphie and baby nessa are the cutest things I've ever seen in my life...
-I kinda...like the more human/animal hybrids that the stage show and the original movie had. sorry. like I Get they were only like that bc you can't make a real life goat sing and dance but they're just more interesting to look at than normal-looking animals who happen to talk!
-jeff goldblum's face being hidden every time he had a dance number...I have a sneaking suspicion that he wasn't really dancing lmfao
-whoever decided to bleach ariana's eyebrows deserves jail time
-when jonathan bailey first showed up on screen my mother leaned over to me and whispered 'he's HANDSOME...'
-when cynthia finished the 'wizard and I' I had to actually stop myself from applauding. it felt so weird and rude for there to be dead silence after that performance my GOD.
-also omg the part where she's singing about the wizard de-green-ifying her and the colors in the suncatchers were canceling out the green so she looked normal....inspired!
-madame morrible had these HUGE crystal ball looking rings and I just want them so much lmao
-glinda's friends were really funny the bit were she was like 'I need to lie down' and they immediately picked her up like a plank of wood and carried her off while the one was screaming 'WE NEED A PASTRY!!! IT'S AN EMERGENCY WE NEED A PASTRY!!!' had me cackling
-I wish there was more time between them moving in and 'what is this feeling' starting? like I wanted more time to see them bickering and then also more time seeing them getting along after the ball??
-'dancing through life' was BEAUTIFUL however two complaints 1) why would they cut the line 'what's the most swankified place around?' I Quote That Often and 2) at the end when glinda and elphie dance together like...it's beautiful and everything but from what I remember after their solo moment fieryo joins them?? and they have a cute three way dance moment??? and I'm very pro "they're all in love with each other" so I missed that lol
-also just in general would of liked to see more of fieryo with the girls! like it felt like ball->lion cub->emerald city, in the course of a couple days, and idk I just feel like they could have slowed it down a bit?? especially since they broke it into two movies?? like I don't think that Actually all happened in the span of a week, but they didn't do a good enough job establishing how much time was passing so it Felt like it. which is dumb bc then it just doesn't seem realistic that elphie and glinda are THAT attached to each other by defying gravity like it feels like not enough time has passed for them to really know each other
-boq felt very mild tbh I know ethan can be more unhinged than that
-would've liked to see glinda in magic class!!
-I was a little underwhelmed by elphaba's costumes? like there were clearly patterns on the material but it was all the same shade of black so you couldn't make anything out. it felt a bit flat. and I love the idea behind the freckles I agree with freckles I am pro freckles HOWEVER her's looked very obviously drawn on. like, I have seen way more realistic fake freckles before. so that was a bit annoying
-other than the lunchmeat dress glinda's costumes were good! especially loved the flower shaped one she wore to the ball
-the whole trying to escape in the hot air ballon scene was cool as hell but as the flaming remains of it fell to the ground I couldn't help but be like wow...she really just killed all those guards huh!
-also lmfao the bit in the woods with the lion club and fieryo has like a scratch on his temple. genuinely thought to myself 'is that his lobotomy scar' lmfao
-still trying to get over the part in dancing through life where people were dancing on the spinning gears in the clock tower...bitch
-the flying monkeys were correctly horrifying
-when I saw the broomstick I was like 'won't that be really uncomfortable between your legs' but then she just held it next to her like they do in the stage show and I was like....okay I guess you win that one? lmfao like I don't mind it for when she's hovering but when they had her like supersonic zooming on the broom it was weird that she wasn't actually riding it
-overall I just don't understand how it's an adaptation of act 1 but it's the length of the entire stage show?? lmao like I wish they took advantage of the split and added so much more but really really it was still just such a solid great movie. 5 stars. I can't keep talking about it right now I'm gonna start screaming.
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I came up with new stuff about my take on the Relativity Falls AU! Ok, so, I talked about it here (and here are some design choices in case y'all are interested). Although these are with Bill like he is in cannon because I hadn't come up with that idea yet but these were mostly concept plans for this AU, SO IT'S OK.
ANYWAY, so, at first I thought about leaving Bill kinda the same, but at school I was blessed with enlightenment by the gods of hyperfixation and I realized. I COULD SWAP HIM WITH CANDY. AND HERE'S WHY.
Okay, so, I think you remember that in the show there was an episode in season 2 where Stan took the twins plus Candy and Grenda on a road trip and Candy had a crush on Dipper which was one-sided on her part. And it reminded me of how in Billford the feelings are one-sided on Bill's side after the betrayal (whether those feelings are romantic or pet-owner thing is unclear, but yeah). So I thought to myself "What if Candy saw Dipper, was fascinated by him and his nerdiness and also figured he could help her with her plans for Weirdmageddon (of whichever the motives I'm still trying to think)?" And then Candy would actually fall in love with Dipper while Dipper stayed the same. He would of course be fascinated by her but he wouldn't have developed any romantic feelings towards her. Just admiration.
I feel like she would also like pain like Bill but because humans feel pain differently than her kind does, it would be mostly because of interest and for experiments. She would be mad at Dipper after the portal incident and him giving up but would try not to show it (much), so when Dipper would fall asleep she would possess his body and work on repairing the portal (and maybe slap his face and stab a few objects on his arms for leaving her after he found out her plans) until Dipper got that metal plate inserted.
Also Candy would be a circle. I came up with that thing mostly so that Mabel can joke about knowing that her brother liked curves, lol. Btw Dipcifica is happening because I swapped Pacifica and Fiddleford together (and in this after the Northwest family kicked Pacifica out they left Gravity Falls out of shame that one of them lost her mind, and the mansion was empty until the Mcgucket family, a rich, country family moved in. I might change that bit, idk).
Also, since I swapped Candy and Bill, I thought about Bill and Stan being friends, but their canon rivalry is just too funny to pass up so maybe whoever swaps with Grenda (maybe Pyronica? I low-key like that. If I keep that idea her name will change to Veronica or Pyronica is gonna be a nickname cause she would like arson) will be trying to make them boys get along, and the only reason Bill wouldn't leave would be because that person is his only friend. One reason why Stan would hate Bill (other than him being a spoiled little brat) is because he likes his brother and Stan KNOWS he's gonna be a bad boyfriend for Ford. Also Bill and Fidds would have some beef (Robbie and Dipper kinda vibes) because they would be both crushing on Ford while Ford would remain completely oblivious and be head over heels for Manly Dan (who is swapped with Wendy).
But Ford would be fascinated by Bill because he would know how to do magic tricks. Bill in this is VERY Helga Pataki codded because his parents would be mostly focused on his successful, normal, with-no-eye-deformities older brother Steve (yes, I came up with it rn while writing it, and yes, I'm putting Pyramid Steve there CAUSE I CAN) and because he would hide his true feelings for Ford (everyone knows but Ford). Bill wouldn't outright bully Ford, but sometimes Ford would wonder if Bill likes him or pretends to because he's "friends" with Stan due to the jokes he makes.
Bill would come from a kinda wealthy family and his parents would give him everything he wanted (except their attention) which is why Stan calls him spoiled. Bill here also has a false schizophrenia diagnosis because when he was little he would say he saw some weird stuff (they're real cause, yk, it's Gravity Falls) and he takes a bunch of medicine, both for schizophrenia and anophthalmia (which is a rare condition where you're born with only one eye. Bill hides his missing eye behind his hair). The medicines make him feel drowsy, and like he's not really there, but he's good at masking it behind a wide smile and a cocky personality.
At some point Bill will come to the conclusion that he doesn't deserve Ford because he can be so kind, and sweet, and understanding (everything that he's not) so he would (begrudgingly) let Fidds have Ford and step out of the unofficial "contest".
One last thing, I'm swapping Soos with Durland and Melody with Blubs.
#man#this took me like an hour to write#it was worth it tho#i wanna make some art for it but i don't have the motivation#plus I have my ow gf au to focus on and draw#for which i also don't have the motivation#but i wanna draw it#fuck#gravity falls#gravity falls au#relativity falls#dipper pines#mabel pines#stanley pines#grunkle stan#standord pines#grunkle ford#candy chiu#grenda grendinator#bill cipher#bill cipher human#pacifica northwest#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#old man mcgucket#sherrif blubs#deputy durland#pyronica#maybe#probably
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okay so once again, spoilers for arcane s1 and act 1 & 2 of s2
also nsfw theories ahead so you know, you’ve been warned (edit: okay so it’s not really nsfw cause i decided to save most of my theories for my fic)
also this is about to be a long fuckin post cause why tf not [there are many tangents]
so we’re breaking this down into characters / plots this time and i'm doing it fast so we'll see how coherent this ends up
lets start with mel / ambessa / black rose:
okay so we know that the black rose is either in search of or is the powerful child of ambessa, right? so if you combine the knowledge we have so far from s2 and the blood, sweat and tears music video (mv) we know the following:
ambessa fell in love once and had a child (one that the black rose is seemingly afraid of)
ambessa was pregnant on a battle field and was saved by a wolf (kindred? idk lol) however when she's transported[?] it appears to be similar to the pit that mel is transported to. in act 1 we watch a confrontation where amara says "i've come here to settle a debt [...] what you've stolen is more precious than any gold" this is also where we learn that the black rose (possibly) killed mel's brother
episode 6 ambessa lectures cait about her three core principles, she ends this lecture with an importance on sacrifice. in the mv we see young ambessa carrying a golden lamb (a symbol? a "sacrificial lamb"). i also believe the fact that it's gold to be of importance. the lamb is also seen in stone, being held by a child, to which ambessa sheds a tear (possibly because that's the deal she made)
mel's "armor" is gold, and seems to be an instinctual response that is now becoming something she can control? in the council room, you can see a circle of pristine condition within the destruction with jayce's seat at the center (mel saved him with her armor).
now my theory for mel's armor is that it's what the black rose is afraid of, what they gave to ambessa in return for a sacrifice [possibly mel herself]. i think she was born with it, cause you can see in a frame of the mv (towards the end) a gold flash moves across the skin of a fetus and when the fetus's eyes open they're gold
we also see the golden lamb be broken up and put into a "seed"? which could also be a reference to a god's seed for a child to be born and how it is presented to ambessa for her to take. when she graps it, a design appears to move along her skin and she dons the gold armor. after she makes the deal, she's transported back to the battle field with i think a now magical child [aka mel]
we also know that family is everything to ambessa, so she'd probably never give up a child, hence the debt unsettled
another theory is that the other character in gold armor in the mv is mel's father, a god[?] possibly. which would make mel a demi-god and explain her armor / abilities. this would also possibly explain why ambessa survived the warwick attack, after carrying a demi-god child she absorbed some of her abilites?
mel's brother is not the child they were looking for, but mel might be
mel seemingly knows how to escape the pit they put her in, almost instinctively
i do think this plot line won’t be fully completed and will continue in the next show
my theories on victor / ekko / jayce / heimerdinger:
victor isn't truly dead, he's gonna come back as more of a machine, possibly due to singed intervention. some sort of “rapture” shit happens with the followers when he’s brought back
jayce is fuckin out of his mind, who knows what that idealistic fuck up is up to [look, i'm sorry but your boy is essentially jinx but he got bailed out at every opportunity for a lesson and never learned] like i know he’s probably being controlled but seriously bro has fucked up many a times
ekko, my guy, please for the love of fucking everything i hold dear, turn back time and save isha and vander [i doubt vander is gonna get saved by him but i have other theories for him]
time slows at the end of ep6 after the explosion and i think ekko used his power [z-drive?] to turn back time. tbh i don't know much about how his power works so i'm just hoping the boy savior lives up to his name.
the gear[? spigot? idk] that victor carries around is probably the same one from s1 when jayce and victor first figure out how to turn on the arcane and pass the metal piece through the center of the arcane [it gets shinier].
that same gear, victor has kept as a souvenir of his partnership [gayyyyyy] with jayce. and when it rolls at the beginning of ep6 and the end, it acts differently (possibly because different timelines [please ekko])
i think ep7 will be about ekko and heimerdinger, starting off where we left, but with ekko trying to save his old family (including isha please)
heimerdinger, idk man he's gonna help ekko tho cause their dynamic is so good
oh yeah and mr.fuckup is going back to the council
theories on jinx / isha / sevika / vander:
jinx is gonna be seriously depressed guys, it's not gonna be good. i'm hoping ekko will save isha but if not, her will to live is 100% gone now, just after getting it back too. it's gonna be rough to watch. GIVE HER GLASSES BACK
if isha is dead [PLEASE DON'T BE] i think she'll be laid to rest in jinx's hideout. with jinx "burning it all down".
jinx will "use her explosive potential for good" and join the fight. she'll pull an isha and sacrifice herself to save her family [guys i really hope this doesn't happen, i love jinx so much and DO NOT want to see this]
vi and jinx fight together once again, but this time it’s jinx who protects vi [it’d be heartbreaking but what is arcane without it]
sevika, god i just hope we get her being sexy. with that poster? damn. also knowing her, her mechanical arm will probably once again get fucked.
vander is gonna reconstitute after the explosion (meaning isha's sacrifice was in vain which is... painful). he's gonna be captured by singed and ambessa and be turned full warwick, going full destructive mode.
AND FINALLY THE GIRLS WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR: CAIT AND VI
these lesbians are gonna fuck, just try to tell me they won't. i dare you. i think it'll happen ep8, and it better be good cause they've been practically edging us with caitvi.
okay so i have my own headcannons on how it should go but i'll save those for my fic. for now here's some plot points i hope they touch on:
it starts with the argument where vi says the fuckin ridiculous "she oinked poison in your ear and you just ate it" [side note: who tf wrote that 😂 ]
they start making out aggressively before caitlyn feels the scar on vi's abdomen and steps back (it gets really emotional and she apologizes [AS SHE SHOULD])
cait starts to get all gentle and loving, and while they're switches, cait tops first [fight me, deep down we all know it].
it's vi's first time [we know she's cocky but be for real, she's gonna immediately fold when caitlyn gets close. i mean have y'all seen how uncertain she is when cait gets close enough to kiss her? she never is the one who closes the distance]
caitlyn removes vi's wraps and we get a story behind it? either way please let her take them off all slow and gentle
cait calls vi "violet"
vi: "you even taste like a cupcake" cait: "shut up" [but british]
they both say "i love you"
also (this is in my fic so honorable mention but) i think cait should say to vi “i’m here. i’m right here” cause it’s a line from s1 and i think it’d be really sweet and comforting to vi
bonus: there's kinky shit involved (we all saw them in ep6, cause i mean COME ON), vi gives off "sit on my face" energy, caitlyn 100% should give vi the space to let go / take charge
okay so those are my theories / tangents. if you made it this far, thank you for indulging in my delusions. this shit has been fun and i don't want it to end. i'll be feral over this for awhile and might make some memes (and i'm working on my first ever fanfic [with help so it hopefully won't be absolute shit 😂 ] so i'll let y'all know when that gets posted.
good luck y'all, i got my tissues ready [ya know, just in case]. LESS THAN ONE HOUR LEFT
#arcane#arcane season 2 spoilers#arcane season 2#vi arcane#caitlyn kiramman#caitvi#ambessa medarda#mel medarda#ekko arcane#heimerdinger#victor arcane#vander arcane#jinx arcane#sevika arcane#isha arcane#jayce arcane
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shirahama-sensei reminded me she has a thing for the teacher from pokemon s/v so i randomly went off on an au where qifrey is the professor. etc
#witch hat tag#orufrey#the first image is qifrey dressed as that guy. i'm glad she has an inexplicable attachment to some dorky pokemon man like i do#someone was like 'wouldn't it make more sense for deanreldea to be the champion' .... well no. not in my world .#it maps onto magic skill. champions aren't like the Rulers of the land they're just the most skilled at this thing#oru as a burnt out champion who's gently encouraging a kid like coco to reach him one day means a lot to me. i like pokemon narratives#agott went shiny hunting for the same thing coco had but cooler - just to impress her. she really is a pokemon rival type girl#pushing myself to the limit to prove my worth to you - to get to the summit first so i'm waiting for you..#and then realising it wasn't just to be strong - i realised i started wanting to see your smile. i wanted you to have fun.#i think coco would defeat agott at the end of victory road and then defeat oru & i'll probably draw one last thing abt that at least..#the image is very cinematic..the dialogue and music in my mind..I WANT TO FACE ORU!!!!!!!!!!#the super cool insanely powerful awesome champion is the spouse of my professor and he gave me advice at the beginning...no way....#btw the elite four would be the sages which is perfect (and maybe easthies as the first guy?) evil Team Brimhats#coustas as their renegade gladion-type figure. the gym leaders would be like sun/moon and s/v combined#travelling around facing the best students from different classes - so jujy and eunie etc.#i've barely thought about 'teams' or anything bc i care amore about the narrative side of things always lol#but idk. tetia with a swirlix - eunie would be ghost type boy - riche with small things but also a ceruledge or a steelix something massiv#and brushbug would have a final form which is really long like an eastern dragon- fluffy and with wings like a fairy. It's beautiful to me#well anyway *tries to move on to the rest of life now the brief obsession has passed*#obviously oru would be fire-type tho and qifrey would be water-type and they set off together and traded their starters etc.....it goes on
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❤️💛
#soft poolverine my beloved#I contain multitudes as far as trope enjoying goes (Logan likes Wade's yapping AND Logan likes to shut Wade up the old fashioned way)#(aka sticking his tongue down his throat)#(among other things but we're sticking with that for this one lol)#Wade is yapping about something#anything really because he can monologue about anything under the sun#and Logan just reaches over wordlessly and grabs his face and Wade just KEEPS TALKING#and every time Logan comes up for air Wade just starts up again#and Logan just smirks and takes a deep breath and goes back in#he gets some silence for a moment AND gets to feel that endless energy fizzing on his tongue#as Wade focuses his nervous mental energy on exploring Logan's mouth for a bit#you know they are SLOPPY kissers#just drool and teeth and tongues EVERYWHERE#I bet kissing Wade is interesting too because his tongue and lips are all ridged and scarred#anyway I just think Logan would shut him up once in a while for like hours long makeout sessions#and then peacefully go back to listening to him yammer endlessly about the minutiae of the My Little Pony Extended Universe#poolverine#deadpool and wolverine#wolverine#deadpool#kinda wip?#are any of these ever really FINISHED or do I just give up on them and move on 🫠#also dont get me wrong they def fuck nasty too#but I think Logan “Touch Starved As Fuck” Howlett would really revel in just being able to touch him lazily for hours#idk man I'm too far gone I need to be anaesthetized#deadpool & wolverine#deadclaws#wade wilson#poolverine fanart#deadpool x wolverine
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BTS Memories 2016: Making of Blood Sweat & Tears MV Jin's kiss scene
#bts#kim seokjin#jin#bts jin#bangtan#bangtan sonyeondan#bts gifs#my gifs#i like how these scenes just keep zooming in closer and closer lol#one more seokjin set from this and then i'm moving on for now#think i'll start on haegeum#but i will come back to this one#i just wanna do something else for a minute lol#been thinking about giffing a ghost atlas vid over on my music blog#probably seeker#but idk yet i haven't decided what i wanna do with it#bs&t
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okay i need feedback from the autism mentall illness website um. this is going to read like an AITA post. brother vs half-sister (who are currently my dependents do to their own individual disabilities + ptsd/depression) spat i will skim the details on but i'm worried my sister will discount my take since i'm not autistic myself so. am i crazy to call it ableist to look at an autistic person (23) who is clearly going through it dealing w long term depression, a world that doesn't give a shit abt him, unemployment, very self-isolated and burnt out barely leaving his room because the world is an ableist dumpster fire with zero opportunities for him, and then bring up childhood abuse he's suffered and his diagnosis as reasonable factors on top of this to worry he'll [checks notes] abuse my cat just to hurt me or even worse have a breakdown and kill me and his other sibling in a violent episode, a train of thought i probably wouldn't even be having were he not [checks notes] mad at me for the first time in my life?
like i don't have any other read on this kind of fear-based characterization other than ableism. like those are very real things in his life but she never points out any current violent behavior, of which there are none, only the one (1) instance of him lashing out when he was like 14 and Officially Diagnosed Low Empathy she thinks is a concern and Hateful Looks toward her since he stopped getting along with her, that's it. i tried explaining to her why i, someone who's lived w him his entire life, can vouch for how unlikely he is to do anything like that, especially when it's again not based on anything he's actually currently doing except for isolating in a way that is much more indicative of him potentially being a danger to himself than anyone else, and being cold towards her specifically, and i thought she had let it go, but when i brought it up off-hand in a conversation tangentially related, she continued to defend and justify her Concern about the potential directions his behavior could lead to because [checks notes] other people in similar situations have lashed out and killed their entire families according to. true crime books or videos she's watched on youtube as far as i'm aware. ignoring the fact that her and i have had the same or Worse childhood abuse and have acted similarly isolated in the past, or for her literally just as currently as him, and she's not expressed any worry past or present about either of us doing anything like that, in my opinion obviously because i haven't cut her off due to our differences like he decided to. like am i big sibling biased because this is pissing me off so bad.
#j.txt#autism#ableism#very sorry to hang all my dirty laundry like this but she is absolutely the type of person to not take accusations of ableism seriously#due to being disabled/traumatized herself and i. feel like she thinks just because she's fixated on and consumed so much about like#mental disorders and illness and whatever she thinks she's an expert on it#enough to like. non-gendered equivalent mansplain peoples' own traumas and disorders to them lol which she has done to me as well#my brother actually last i checked felt like his diagnosis wasn't even accurate#but to me knowing our mom was v ableist antivax about her understanding of autism and a very neurotypical definition of it#it makes sense if the criterias or definitions don't feel accurate to him#idk. IDK#um. if this gets no engagement i'll delete it rather quick probably i just#don't wanna talk out of my ass when i'm not even autistic yk#i'm very aware i can be biased about him vs her because i actually grew up w him and he's younger than us but like#i havent heard him use her own diagnosis and childhood trauma and ugly moments in this way to justify his bad faith characterizations of he#so it's very much. just something she's doing. if my brother started doin it too i'd have the same conversation but he hasn't which i think#is u.m Telling <3#like She's the one actually complaining about how he assumes the worst of her in everything she does now and it makes her feel awful#meanwhile she. probably doesn't say any of this to Him but boy has she talked about it with me!#if it's not obvious we are all very mentally ill trapped in a house 2gether trying to save up to move so we can get away from each other lo
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A Victorian couple. (Leyendecker redraw)
#the great ace attorney#tgaa#tgaa spoilers#dgs spoilers#klint van zieks#klimt van zieks#lady baskerville#<- isn't it madam van zieks tbh (though i like that she has at least a last name)#i'm glad i didnt rush this one.. i think i started it one or two months ago?#i like painting because since it's more time consuming i get to really think about the characters and what kind of thoughts they were havin#at that moment... in this one i'd say the professor killings have already started. kvz looks quite grim here compared to how silly i usuall#depict him lol#anyways! move outta the way gayboy im about to get it#i wanna do this with mr asougi (gen-chan..💖) as well at some point#OKAY done rambling <3 idk if anyone reads this far but if u do hiii. the joys of following daipeanutsaiban on tumblr: chatter for days#scheduled#help i forgot the ship tags im not retyping all that.#klintville#baskerzieks#fun fact: the ship name for klint and the name i gave lady (primrose) would be *drumroll* ...PRINT....lmao....
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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i think my biggest character growth over the past 5-6 years? is being able to do this these days
#it still bothers me but im so much better at moving on & being happy with what i have than i used to be. based !#idk like it's easy to fall into a spiral of alienation like Ohh God... I don't feel this thing that Everyone Else Feels... I must be Broken#but idk. as time goes on i find it easier to focus on like. yes of course the friends that will still prioritize me#but also just Myself. like. It's like the more I think about it like Yeah sure it's alienating to not Fit In to a romance based society but#at the same time it's- not ''i don't think anyone could handle me'' because that sounds stupid as fuck and like I'm full of myself LOL#but like. Well nobody could ever really have the full context of who i Am as a person except for myself. so why am i beating myself up for#not being able to feel a certain way about people when i'm really the only person that can Fully get myself in the first place? when instea#i could just celebrate being myself and being on my own. Of course that's not perfect all the time#but it's a lot better than being 16 again like WHY AM I A FUNDAMENTALLY BROKEN PERSON#idk maybe all i had to do was graduate college and get a job LMFAO that one tweet thats like#yea im probably aromantic but i have a job so idrc about that rn#talking
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now that the seasons are starting to turn again i'm looking at the rabbits and planning out my fall/winter litters....i don't get many litters in winter in general though i do try every month to keep some of them from getting fat. i'm thinking of making more fun meat litters since i put SO much focus on show litters over summer
it's funny, because i spent so much time and feed on show animals and i feel like i got like...nothing out of that. i know part of it is because i lost a few litters to my negligence on vaccinating, but man i forget just how unforgiving showing is. you might get one kit per litter that's worth keeping - and that's if you aren't working with marked breeds, which i am. i do look at my hotots and feel like i am making some decent progress, though only one single keeper is actually a purebred :/ the himis are still spinning in a net zero, after admitting that i needed to cull like all my bucks and start over, and also losing all of my original does this year as well to various age-related ailments. i have one more litter of sausages under mom right now and we'll see how they turn out
i have bred basically zero rex - i think i did a couple early in the year but niña's litter are the first ones i've had since spring which is wild to me. spencer SHOULD be pregnant now too which will be fun! i have gotten a frankly pitiful amount of satins born, to the point where after this latest attempt i am probably giving up on standard satin and trying out minis :/ i think i can get away with avoiding peanuts without them getting too big, and i can work with a variety i love but is underdeveloped. i just want something typey to beef up my skills at the little nuances....please....
this winter/next spring i also think i will be needing to think about breeding basil's replacement....she did a good job with her last litter but she had some trouble regaining her condition afterwards. i don't think she's done yet, but i need to think about it. i already know that my keeper will be by orpheus because combining my two most amazing meat lines Ever will only create the ultimate rabbit to end all rabbits. but i just gotta sit and wait for the Perfect doe to appear
anyway thank you for coming to my ted talk about rabbit planning that was actually just me talking at the void. i think overall i had a good year but i don't feel like i made tons of progress on my showing goals. oh well. always the rest of the year and next year :)
#new barn will help too because i will have more holes to work with#but i have been throwing a lot of squids at walls and seeing which ones actually stick#rather than truly heavily planned pairings that i can predict the outcome of#it's only my second year with the hotots and i'm still learning their typical faults and how to move forward with them#i'm still having fun and that's what matters#also do we like when i ramble like this. is this interesting#because i can talk for years about rabbit planning lol#idk how much anyone cares about this sort of thing so i don't really talk about it much#but like 69% (nice) of my brain is dedicated to....this...at any given time lol#ag talk
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I literally think being in the taylor fandom is making me a worse person like I am so not a hater at heart and yet I just get so irritated by the fandom that it makes me feel like the most negative bitter person :/
#my previous tags on that ask about how kelsea has similarities with taylor this year has really made me realise#like i see kelsea being very public in her post breakup relationship and doing things like lyric changes on stage or kissing after a show#and i'm like 'aw that's nice for them :) if they're all loved up why not show it :)'#and then i see those things from taylor and i'm like 😐😒🫤#and the difference is that with kelsea i can see it and move on but with taylor i know i'm gonna see a million posts about it#and weird overly invested takes and analysis and annoying jokes#and it's meant that my automatic reaction is annoyance even though i'm annoyed at the fandom and not taylor#anyway this is just one example but i'm just realising that this fandom is like.. not a good place for me really#but it's tough when i've been so embedded in it for years and it's been such a good fun community at times#i'm trying to slowly retreat but idk it's not working that well#also doesn't help when my other fandoms are all quiet/on hiatus currently so there's no escape lol#talking
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Hello! I just saw you post some Maitre Gims, and I know you like Stromae, so I was wondering what are french/french speaking singers that you like the most? You may have answered smtg like that already but i couldn't find it and I am, as always, very curious ^^ -☆
mc solaar!!!!!! and stromae for sure. and i had a whole renan luce phase in college. otherwise i mostly just listen to individual songs and don't tend to know a ton by the same artist, but i've liked some individual songs by christine and the queens, lous and the yakuza, tryo, kana, bénabar, vianney. some other artists but that's a sample. currently only know two french-language songs by mika but i like them. always looking for recs if you have any!
#i do not have an established discovery pipeline for french music it's just been like#1) friend gives me a mix cd in high school that includes mc solaar and some other artists (thank u jesse <3)#2) professor gives me a mix cd in college that includes renan luce and some other artists#3) i listen to these on repeat for approx. 20 years and get a couple of mc solaar's and renan luce's albums#4) a kind follower on here sent me a spotify playlist last year#that's it that's the pipeline lol#oh i forgot 3.5) discover papaoutai by stromae in idk 2015 or something. but i have no recollection of how i found that song#my experience is neither broad nor deep in this arena#french#music#asks#not anon#i've finally moved on from listening to the same three stromae songs because i've mostly learned the words#so now i'm trying to learn the words to some other songs including the maître gims song i rbed earlier#my problem is that i don't really know what a song is about until i look up the lyrics#sometimes i can get the gist but usually not. so i get a song stuck in my head and then look up the words so i can sing along#and that's when i learn what it's about. and too bad if the subject is not one i want to have stuck in my head lol#got an mc solaar / vianney collab stuck in my head yesterday. super catchy. i look up the words. it's about suicide????#which i am maybe not in the right headspace to be singing about right now. but here we are. whoops!
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wip thing...
of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)
they mean the world to me
#bg3 spoilers#?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say.....#it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me.#i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee#i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable.#bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen#makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there.#dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it#augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH????#my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way.#Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3#I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE#AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY#grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear#truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol#if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life#being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer.#Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this?#For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online#someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this.#why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness?#What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...?#hellebore..😭😭 AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!!#i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful.#but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting.#I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself#I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing.#I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come.#Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......
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